I often ask our clients why they chose to work with me over another business mentor.
The answer almost always includes some form of the following…
Because you’ve got BOTH feminine and masculine energy going on.
You’ve got systems, and spirit. Heart and hustle.
You’re successful AND you’re a priestess.
All of that is true.
For example, the Goddess is my co-pilot. I’ve priestess’ed, held space and led hundreds of rituals. I’ve been immersed in feminine spirituality for two decades. I’m a proud work-from-home mom.
On the other hand, I also have a masters in computer science. I was an engineer for 10 years.
I have a million dollar company. I get sh*t done. (You know, except when I don’t. 😉 )
So one of the things I get asked a lot is “How do I know when to be in my feminine energy and when to be in my masculine?”
It’s a great question, because this is a real tension women feel, especially as we come out of the feminine spirituality closet more and more.
I love the new wave of feminine empowerment that has arisen in the past eight years or so. I’ve been blessed to be a part of it.
But one of the biggest challenges I see in the new wave is a backlash against what we might call masculine energy. And within it, a duality…
In one camp, we have the “over” women: over-giving, over-delivering, over-achieving, over-compensating, over-explaining, over-pushing and “trying to prove” energy. By the time she discovers the Feminine, she has truly HAD it with “being in her masculine” all the time.
On the other extreme, there are women who are much more comfortable in what we might call feminine energy – so much so that they find it challenging to be in their masculine – for making a plan, taking action, etc.
These women, I find, are often dissatisfied because they have not created even a fraction of what is calling to be birthed inside of them.
(These are extremes, by the way. Everyone has some of each in them, but I notice that women tend to fall more in one camp than the other.)
In both cases, there is this push-pull of Desiring a dream or goal and yet resistance in the form of “I don’t want to be in my masculine.”
Which poses a real problem when it comes to manifesting. Because to manifest anything, you need both.
So what do we do when we want to embrace our feminine core and yet still have ambition and a Desire to create?
It’s time to approach this masculine energy / feminine energy conversation a lot differently – especially with respect to manifestation.
It’s time to STOP making so-called “masculine energy” the bad guy. Because here’s what I’ve found, having been in the “over” camp my entire life…
What I had framed as “overachieving” and others had framed as a “need to prove” or “need to please” was really an expression of the deep need and drive to create. To become. To actualize. To live the life in my Highest Creative Expression, my Divine nature.
You know… Desire.
So it’s time for creatively ambitious women to stop making themselves wrong because their innate creative drive has been channeled in a certain direction.
And it’s definitely time to learn how to manifest in way so that we are coming from a resourced place, not one of depletion…. so that we are creating what our soul truly wants, not what we have been told we “should” want or what we think we can have.
How do we begin?
- Drop the judgment and simply start to notice what it feels like to be “in your masculine” vs. “in your feminine.”
It starts with a little deeper look into these energies.
In any creation, there are two energies at play: masculine and feminine. You, too, have a masculine nature and a feminine nature because you are a creative being.
The Masculine: Rational, linear, active, doing, driving, directive. The tangible. Active principles of “becoming.”
The Feminine: intuitive, non-linear, invisible, intangible, the passive aspects of BEING. Receiving.
One is putting energy and input OUT, the other is receiving energy or input IN.
So start to notice how it feels for you when you’re tapping into these energies. What lets you know when you’re accessing your feminine vs. your masculine?
Become intimately aware of how you utilize these energies now. Where are you most comfortable hanging out?
- Get clear on what action REALLY is.
In Feminine Magic®, we work extensively with a critical distinction: the difference between aligned action and what I call “DOING.”
DOING is “do-do-do” attempts to meet conditions that we think need to be met in order to have what we want.
For example, let’s say you want to make more money in your business so you think you need the new headshot, the fancy website and branding, the big list, etc. etc.
None of that actually brings in money. Having a conversation with a real live human being and inviting them to work with you brings in money.
One is the doing, and the other is the aligned action. (See the difference?)
Even receiving requires aligned action, because 99% of the time when an opportunity comes to us we have to make some sort of a motion to actually receive it into our lives.
The DOING and trying to meet the conditions totally blocks us from 1.) being able to receive our guidance, and 2.) from embodying the energy of who we need to BE to attract what we want, which is in essence a feminine state.
Most of what I see as frustration with “being in the masculine” is really frustration with being in a state of constant, useless DOING.
Aligned action is usually not difficult or complicated. It is, however, often uncomfortable.
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
In an interesting and soul-growth-enhancing twist, the aligned action required to manifest is often one that you don’t want to take!
So you feel resistance… you feed the resistance… and cue feeling drained and depleted.
Often (not always, but often) the source of stress / exhaustion / what-have-you is NOT taking the aligned action itself…. but all the drama we create around it.
In other words, it’s not “the masculine” that leads to the burnout, it’s all the resistance and the unnecessary energy we expend to avoid the aligned actions that allow us to actually receive what we Desire.
So you’ve got to get comfortable with the discomfort, and don’t mistake it for pushing or hard work. It’s simply the friction between your Essence or higher-self, and your conditioned human self.
Once you’re clear on what feminine and masculine feels like for you, you understand the difference between doing and aligned action, and you’re ready to embrace discomfort…
… now you can start to play with these energies and call on them as needed to manifest your Desire.
Here’s one way the creative process might look:
- Desire: What comes first is feeling a Desire, a creative urge, which requires being in a state of receptivity – Feminine
- Clarity: In order to create anything you must also be in a place of clarity, you must make a decision. The manifesting process starts with knowing what you want and claiming it – Masculine
- Embodying: This is where you step into the energy of who you need to BE to receive this Desire, opening to guidance and receiving the aligned action (or as we say in Feminine Magic® “receiving the way”) – Feminine
- Aligned Action: Now it’s time to take the action itself, to act on the opportunities, to move forward – Masculine
- Receiving: This is about living in expectation of the result, feeling the gratitude for the fulfillment of your Desire, and allowing it in – Feminine
Notice the dance?
When you get really good at this you find you’re able to flip-flop seamlessly without getting burned out because you’re employing both energies in their highest expression.
Yes, at times there will be a need to roll up your sleeves and power through. But when it’s a deep soul Desire that you’re after that’s not a bad thing.
It’s a lot different to “make it happen” when it’s YOUR dream than when you’re chasing after someone else’s ambition.
And there will also be times when you’re really being called to rest.
There are times when what’s needed most is to be still and surrender to the mystery, to be in the void – which is the cauldron from which everything is birthed.
In fact, if you really want to up your creative abilities, I invite you to spend a lot more time in the void. And then be prepared to take what you discover there and go forward.
At the end of the day, there is no formula. There is discernment, self-honesty, and an acceptance that in any creation there are two energies at play.
When you embrace them both, that’s when miracles happen. Here’s to your miracles…