Category Archives: Achievement

Spirit or Ego? How To Know Which Is Speaking To You

Imagine this…

You’ve set a clear intention.  Now the perfect [program / training / retreat / trip / house / school for your kids / what-have-you] shows up, seemingly out of the blue.

Instant yes!  Except…

…the finances and time commitment are just outside of your comfort zone.

You were SO sure, and now…

Or how about something like this?

When your [VA / admin / tech guy] showed up, they were perfect for your business.  Now?  Not so much.  But their sudden departure will cause aftershocks, messiness, and possibly lost revenue.

You were SO SURE about letting them go… until you really looked at the numbers.  And now… you’re anything but.

Or…

You make a decision and command that it be so – woot!  Your next step immediately shows up.

Call this person.  Buy this program.  Call that person and offer them that program.

The idea makes you feel heavy in your body.  You were SO clear before, and now…

Now, maybe it’s not what you really want, anyway.

Call it intuition or call it Spirit (they are one and the same)… we are all being guided in the direction of our highest expression.

Your Essence longs for expansion, and being a manifestation of Spirit, it works with Spirit to guide you in the direction of your Desire.

And we all know that feeling, right?  When our intuition, Essence or soul speaks… it’s ON.

Problem is… we are also being guided in the other direction.  You have an ego and a subconscious, both of which have a well-meaning yet truly vested interest in keeping you right where you are.

With literally hundreds of decisions to be made every day, understanding which voice is which is a crucial skill for anyone who Desires to go the distance with their growth and creative power.

Is it the voice of Spirit, or is it Ego?  How can you know which is speaking to you?

Let’s start with the first and most important “strategy,” which is…

Image Credit: Papaya! Art papayaart.com

We have this thing called intuitive ability.  It exists.

Somewhere in your energy field, either consciously or unconsciously, you know.  100% of the time.

If you always know… then NOT knowing, or blocking the awareness, is actually a choice.

Un-blocking the awareness is also a choice.

If you always know, then you don’t have to put yourself in a position of doubting, second guessing, NOT knowing….  all of which are just another form of lack of energy.

If you always know… and you know without question that you know… 100%, all the time… the answer is there and it is there for you… then all you have to “do” is choose to hear your inner knowing… and act on it.

And how do you do that?

  1. Slow down the “monkey mind.”

There’s a BIG reason why meditation is far and away the most universal of spiritual practices.  Meditation slows down the “monkey mind,” allowing you access to other voices and other states.

The benefits of meditation are well-known, and backed up by research.  Everyone and their mom loves meditation, and rightly so.

But what’s that, you say?  You HATE meditating?

Luckily, there are LOTS of ways that you can practice slowing down the monkey mind.   Breath work.  Music.  Exercise.  Moving meditation. Adult coloring books.  Even washing dishes.

What’s that?  You don’t have time?

A single minute, while you’re waiting in line, is all it takes.  Take 3 deep breaths.  Start there.

Still don’t think you can meditate even for one minute?  Deepak has you covered.

  1. Empty Out.

There’s slowing down the mind, and there’s emptying out the mind.

To empty out the mind is to release all thoughts, worries, concerns, tension, fear and anything else that is not Truth, and become the empty vessel.  The channel.  (In shamanism, the hollow bone.)

In feminine practices like priestessing and Feminine Magic®, we make ourselves the empty vessel, cup, or cauldron because everything is born (created) out of the void, the womb of the Great Mother.  In the quiet, we can receive what is here… and what is to be.

Becoming empty is a core practice, one that must be experienced. So here’s a short exercise from The School of Manifesting.  My gift to you, no opt-in required.

Click here for the handout

Click here to download the mp3

  1. Ask Questions.

Want to know what your intuitive guidance sounds like?  Ask it questions.

What would it take to add $100,000 to my business this year?

What would it take to close on the perfect house for us in the next 30 days?

What would it take to attract the perfect life partner for me?

What would it take for [XYZ] to show up in my life?

What would it take for this project to be easy?

Ask for guidance and you’ll receive guidance.  Pay attention to how it shows up: the channel it came through, the feeling.

You can change your whole life by asking questions.  Jack Canfield and Marc Victor Hansen discovered the title for their mega-blockbuster book series, Chicken Soup for the Soul, simply by asking for “a mega-bestselling title.”

Ask and it is given.  Every time.

  1. Grow your vocabulary.

Many years ago, early in my spiritual development, I was drawn to Tarot.  After overcoming some initial resistance – “78 cards?  Upright and reversed?  That’ll take me a lifetime!!” –  I threw myself into learning this elegant, intuitive system for spiritual growth & guidance.

I was right.  Mastering Tarot can take a lifetime.  The cards are dense, rich with symbolism and entire cannons of magic.  If you love “brain food,” this is it.

At first I was overwhelmed.  Wands, swords, cups, pentaces, stars, trees, the color black, the planet Mercury, crowns, pearls on a necklace… in the Rider-Waite deck, everything means something.  And meaning is endless.

But then something interesting started to happen…

Both in and out of readings, my “monkey mind” started to shut off, and my intuition started to turn ON.  The symbols spoke to me in ways words never could.  The “meanings” disappeared and my Essence began to speak through me in ways it never had, using those symbols as language, stringing whole sentences together that seemed to come from… somewhere else.

The more I learned the language, the more my intuition was able to speak.  The more it spoke, the easier it was to discern.  And so it is to this day, even though I haven’t really read Tarot in a while.

Your intuition can tell you a lot.  It can tell you even more when it has language with which to communicate.  How can you grow your vocabulary?

  1. Be suspicious of the “no”s.

Have you ever had the experience of inherently knowing your next step, but… it doesn’t really “feel good” in your body?

It’s tempting to take this as a “no.”  But is it really?

Our bodies are wired to throw up resistance when we step outside the status quo.  Change isn’t always going to “feel good.”

Sometimes, your body is going to be freaking the heck out at going in the new direction, the direction of your choice rather than the direction of your patterns.

Your intuition does not speak to you in the language of fear.  Fear, worry, doubt, and resistance are never truth.

Constriction, tightness, and discomfort are an invitation to lean in deeper.  What is on the other side of that feeling?

Your intuition always says YES.  The question is, what is it saying yes to?

You always know.  Don’t let the uncomfortable feeling block your knowing.

  1. Practice.

Practice remains the best way to learn a new skill, or polish one that has gotten rusty.

So what are you practicing?

Listening for that first response. The twinge.  That inner knowing that gets covered up in a flash by all the mental hoo-ha.  Then saying yes.  Then TRUSTING.  Then acting on it, without hesitation.

Start with situations that don’t carry a lot of charge.  Ask yourself, “Which will I enjoy more?” “Is this in my highest good right now?”

You always know.  Most of the time, you know right away.

What will it take for you to say YES to your intuitive guidance?

You always know.  🙂

How To Banish Time And Energy Vampires

Ever have one of those “I’ll have what she’s having” moments?

Years ago I went to a workshop at a wellness center in Manhattan. This was during my “dark night of the soul” period. I felt shredded – physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.

The workshop was billed as a “spa day.” The topic was feminine energy.
This will be fun, I thought. I remember telling Leland, “I’m going to be doing my hair or something.

Wrong.

When the leader walked in and sat down, I was blown away.

Her power. Her presence. Her magnetism.

I’ll have what she’s having.

Within the first 5 minutes she told us the secret, without ever addressing the idea of power directly.

Boundaries. Rock-solid-yet-flexible (and-no-that’s-not-an-oxymoron) boundaries.

Most of us are empathic. Then we’re conditioned to be all things to all people. To be “nice,” to people please, to do it all, you name it.

Then add our info-overload, energetically saturated, go-go-go culture. Plus a shot of genuine, soul-led ambition (aka Desire) to the mix, and what have you got?

Massive, ongoing leaks, drains and pulls on our energy field.

We come to manifesting and magical practice and wake up to the beautiful truth that most of the limits we live with are just not true. However, here in 3D reality – we have to contend with TWO limited resources: linear time, and life force energy.

Yes, we can manage and increase our energy, but only to a point. With linear time, we all get the same amount in a day. When it’s gone, it’s gone.

Not only that… when we start to put ourselves out there, we attract energy coming AT us: love from our fans, anger from the people we’ve triggered the sh*t out of, ever-growing demands on our attention, and a LOT more.

And guess what? Those time-and-energy pulls and nips and tugs and hi-jacks only INCREASE as you amp up your light.

So what do you do? Dim your light? Hold back your purpose?

That may be your default. Defaults tend to have HUGE consequences, like dying with the music still inside you. #blunt #sorrynotsorry

How about cast a spell on whoever’s getting you down?

Nope. That’s not the solution either.

Set boundaries. Rock-solid-yet-flexible boundaries.

Boundaries are magic. Here’s the secret to shoring up yours… so you can banish those time and energy vampires for good:

Get a handle on the biggest boundary pusher of all: YOU.

I say this with love. 🙂

Boundaries all start by taking a good hard look at what you’ve been willing to tolerate. If you have unwanted people and energies in your field, understand it’s because on some level, you’ve invited them in.

Remember The Lost Boys? That (sorta) bad vampire movie from the 80’s? The vampires can’t come in unless you invite them in. #happilydatingmyself

What are you making yourself available for?

Here are just a few of the things in my life and business that I am no longer available for:

  • Coaching, healing or feedback that I didn’t ask for
  • Offers to be my coach or healer that I didn’t ask for (funny how these always include feedback that I didn’t ask for!)
  • Long, drawn-out enrollment conversations
  • Enrollment conversations with less-than-ideal clients
  • Coaching people who do not want to change
  • Payment plans on high-end programs (we are eliminating these – kudos to Leonie Dawson for the idea)
  • Late payments or missed payments on our courses and communities
  • Payment negotiations of any kind
  • Clients, vendors and team members not adhering to policies
  • Team members not documenting their work and causing chaos later
  • Inefficiency (time and money wasting)
  • Drama of any kind
  • Attention-seeking of any kind
  • Indecisiveness
  • Guilt trips
  • Power trips; passive-aggressive attempts to control or cut down
  • Time hijacking (their emergency somehow requires me to upend my whole day)

We can’t hold boundaries when we don’t know what they are. So ask yourself…

What am I available for?
What am I NOT available for?

It really helps to list this out, because most of the time, we’re running around on autopilot.

For example, recently one of our clients brought a common issue to our Facebook community: she was having dozens of 90 minute conversations with people who all said, “I’d love to… but I don’t have the money.” She was a little surprised when I suggested that she did NOT have to actually sit through calls with people who have no intention of paying her. (She’s not the first.)

After you make your lists, ask this magic question…

“What do I need to shift within myself to release, clear and banish what I am no longer available for?”

I know. I know. This is not a fun question. But it is a necessary one.

If we want the boundaries pushers to stop, we have to understand how they are responding to energy that we are projecting OUT, in the form of our thoughts, feelings and actions.

 

So you may have to START:

  • Qualifying your clients more stringently before you get on the phone
  • Release team members who can’t or won’t meet your expectations
  • Hang out with people who have already achieved what you wish to accomplish
  • Take clear steps to raise your confidence
  • Have conversations where you set clear boundaries

 

You may have to STOP:

  • Answering your own email or FB messages
  • Reading your FB or Twitter feed, outside of certain hours
  • Giving people a zillion chances
  • Wasting time on calls
  • Tolerating team that are not an energetic match… and release them

 

Where you are engaging in the behaviors yourself?

  • Are YOU saying “I can’t afford it?” on sales calls?
  • Do YOU hem and haw over decisions, especially around investing in yourself?
  • Do YOU engage in negativity, needy behavior, drama or attention-seeking? (These behaviors can masquerade as other things. For example, repeated defaulting on payments is a form of attention-seeking.)

 

No judgment. This is about being aware so you can make new choices. Which brings us to the most important one of all…

STOP ENGAGING in the situations that you no longer wish to experience.

We attract what we put out there. Engage the unwanted and you keep it around.

  • If someone is playing the “one foot in, one foot out” game with you… and you continue to have conversations with them…
  • If someone is giving you excuse after excuse on why they’re not paying you… and you continue to give them service…
  • If a team member shows you time after time that they do not or will not follow your rules… and you’re still working with them…
  • If you give yourself sacred commitments (that you’ll make these 5 phone calls, get up to exercise, etc)… and yet energize your resistance more than the result…

It’s not a mystery why the unwanted situation and behaviors keep showing up.

The best way to banish time and energy vampires is to BE the one who is not available for time and energy vampires.

Think of someone über-successful that you admire. Maybe Oprah. #classicexample

Think about Oprah’s energy field. Do you think she gets a lot of people nipping at her energy and pushing her boundaries?

Probably not. Because her energy is… Oprah.

She can’t engage. She doesn’t have time to engage. She wouldn’t be as successful if she did.

Spend some time watching Oprah. You can model her energy. If you’re not sure how to BE the one who doesn’t tolerate bullsh*t in her space, take your cues from those who already ARE.

Best part? This no-bullsh*t energy is actually pretty yummy to be in. I guarantee your clients are craving it… and they will follow your lead.

Years ago, my very first coach taught me a powerful lesson. A woman had been emailing me, poking at my boundaries, pushing my not-enough and need-to-be-liked hot buttons, making me doubt myself.

My coach, Helen, said, “People know how they can get to you.

Her next assignment? That I stop answering my own email. But the bigger lesson was in understanding what I was allowing in through my engagement with the behavior and attachment to how the behavior was making me feel. Attachment to drama, negative situations, feeling less-than.

What attachments and engagements are YOU ready to release?

What will that open you up to receive instead?

BONUS: How To Set Powerful Boundaries With Others In 3 Steps:

  • Start by making a clear request regarding the BEHAVIOR that doesn’t work for you: “Our policy is that payments are to be made on time. I’m going to ask you to stop allowing your credit card to bounce.”
  • Set a boundary that YOU can control. “If it happens again, I’m going to remove you from the program.”
  • Follow through. Without “charge,” drama or making a big thing of it.

Happy banishing!

Wealth Creation For Women with Lee Milteer

I was thrilled to sit down with my dear friend, feminine magician Lee Milteer, for a special wealth building master class for women!

I first heard about Lee ten years ago, through her association with one of the top entrepreneurial training companies in the world.

I was brand new in my business.  Lee was (and is) one of the most successful entrepreneurial mentors out there.  Her client list read like a “who’s who” of millionaire entrepreneurs, including many big names in the coaching industry.

The first time I saw her, I immediately knew that there was something deeper to her teachings than the nuts and bolts of marketing.  (Lee has taught over 1 million people how to be a paid speaker.)

Turns out I was right.  Lee has an extensive background in metaphysics, having studied in mystery schools from young adulthood.

She used that knowledge to rise up out of poverty to become one of the top speaking and productivity coaches in the world, sharing the stage with Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins and too many other global influencers to count!

Last year, Lee “semi-retired” from the speaking circuit to teach magic and manifesting in her mystery school, the Lee Milteer School of Wisdom.

I finally got to meet her – at one of her powerful Vision Quest retreats in Sedona.  It was, hands down, the best event I’ve ever experienced.

If you’re ready to develop YOUR powers and gifts to build wealth in your life, this master class is a must-listen.

Catch the replay here:

Click here to download

Click here to listen

Here is some of what we covered:

  • Why women MUST make a decision to bypass programming about what’s possible and consciously claim more
  • The 5 kinds of energy that we all have to direct to creating wealth (or anything else we Desire
  • The 4 fundamental things you must possess to attract wealth
  • The role your authentic gifts play in the wealth creation process
  • The #1 thing you must eliminate from your thought process
  • The #1 barrier to wealth creation and how to remove it
  • Why and HOW money moves in our economy, and how you can easily tap into this stream
  • The role of LOVE in wealth creation and how you can cultivate it to its full potential in your life

Lee “walks the talk” and is as passionate as I am about empowering you with the energetic tools and practical strategies to grow your wealth.

You’re going to want to listen to this one more than once!!

And if you’re called, I highly HIGHLY recommend reserving one of the last seats for Lee’s Vision Quest – which is coming right up!

See all of the details here.

 

 

PS: In the interview we mentioned a book that was pivotal to our respective journeys.  It’s called Psycho-Cybernetics.  You can find it here.

Why “Divine Timing” Is A Myth

Recently, one of our clients was frustrated because her manifesting goals weren’t showing up fast enough.

After some processing, she concluded that she and the Divine must not be on the same timeline.

“I’m just going to let go and allow Divine timing to unfold,” she said.

Then she looked a little stunned as I shared that “Divine timing” as most people think of it isn’t accurate.

Indeed, 99.99% of what you may believe about “Divine timing” is wrong.

I know that might cause a bit of a record scratch in your brain.

After all, letting go is required for manifesting… right? (Right.)

If we want to become Spiritual Jedi we must accept that we don’t ever really have control over anything… right?

Let me explain…

I think we can all agree that some things take longer to manifest than we’d like.

You might set a goal for 6 months… only to have it take 2 years. Other times, something that is “supposed to” take a long time manifests in record speed.

And yet other times, the thing we Desire doesn’t seem to be manifesting at all, so we conclude that it’s not meant to be right now.

It’s not Divine timing, we may say.

Except there’s a big problem with that, vis-à-vis the Laws of the Universe.

When we have a sincere Desire, the way for it to be made manifest in our lives already exists. It’s in our world, right now.

The demand (your Desire) is not felt until the supply (the Way for you to have it) is ready to appear.

I didn’t make that up. This is the Law of Polarity. You can count on it as sure as the sun rises.

Then there’s another spiritual truth, in the process of being backed up by Science-With-A-Capital-S, which states that all spaces, dimensions and times exist in the NOW.

There is no time but right now. Therefore…

The timing is perfect.

The Divine, Source, Spirit… wants you to have it. Indeed, the Divine wants you to have it more than you do!

When? Right now.

By spiritual law, Divine timing is always now.

So what gives? If Divine timing is always now, and all time exists in the now… why isn’t it here now?

Quite simply, because we do not allow ourselves to receive it.

I’m a great example of this.

Back in early 2009, my life was kind of a mess. I’d left my last J-O-B two years earlier, and I still hadn’t really figured out how to get my business going. We were deep in debt and I was stressed out beyond belief.

Being the classic feminine high achiever, who had done all the “right” things, I felt like a failure. I couldn’t figure it out.

That was when I got the marching orders from Spirit, who I call Goddess.

“You’re going to teach magic, write books, and put the magic in the books,” She said.

I said, “You have me confused with someone else.”

And I made that classic move that we all make at some point or another when the Divine is asking us to step up…

I said no.

I didn’t accept the assignment.

I said, “I need more training, and I need to actually DO something to PROVE that I can manifest my way out of a paper bag, which by the way, I can’t right now; so there.”

So I went through coach training. I invested in mentors. I learned how to make money. I coached clients to make money. Seven years later, here I am, teaching magic exclusively.

Divine timing?

No.

People were asking for this stuff back in 2009. My clients were fascinated. They wanted more.

I was the one who was terrified.

Do I regret becoming a business coach? Was it all a big detour?

No way. It’s one of the most gratifying things I’ve ever done and has absolutely prepared me for everything in front of me now.

AND what’s also true is that the demand for my magical work was present all the way back then.  I could have stepped into it, and received it.

No “coulda, woulda, shouldas” here. It’s not bad or wrong…

…but it’s not “Divine timing.”

So if the timing really is perfect, what accounts for the huge crazy gap a lot of people experience between what they want and when it shows up?

Our level of growth.

Are we willing to be visible, claim it, let go of resistance, allow ourselves to be shown, follow the guidance, take the aligned actions and allow it in?

Most of the time, we resist. Big time. We tell ourselves stories, act out old programming, come up with a zillion excuses and all the other cute things we humans do when we begin to have a clue about what we truly Desire.

And therein lies the growth path.

I’m reminded of this when I talk to Hot Husband, who is an artist, about the creative process.

For artists, there’s the vision in our minds of what we want the finished piece to look like, he’ll say. And then there’s our skill set.

When those don’t line up, it can be really painful to lean into that gap. So instead we say: it’s not the right time, things aren’t lining up, yadda yadda.

But that’s not accurate. You would not have the Desire unless the way was already here!

Our resistance is not bad or wrong. It’s usually not even conscious!

Our resistance is the growth path.

There’s another aspect of this that requires mention, and that’s our expectation of what it “has to” look like.

I’ll use myself as an example again…

Even as a child, I knew that I was meant to live a creative life.   Creativity has always been my driver. I wanted to be surrounded by creative people doing creative things.

But growing up in a small town in Maine in the 80’s, a creative city like New York or London or Hollywood felt sooooooo far off that truthfully… I couldn’t even imagine it.

The creative path was for the hot guys in the imported British New Wave magazines I devoured at the time. (Oh man, am I ever dating myself.)

Not for me.

My 18-year-old self could have never imagined what I’d be doing creatively today! Back then the Internet as we know it did not exist. The coaching industry did not exist.

So was it Divine timing that I became a witch, a priestess, an engineer, then a coach, then finally a manifesting teacher?

Absolutely not.

Of course there was a way for me to be creative back then. I was surrounded by creative people doing creative things. Stephen King, the highest paid commercial fiction writer at that time, lived 10 minutes away. And he wasn’t exactly hiding out in his house.

It would have been a very different path… but the path was there. And I didn’t take it because I was not at a point in my growth where I could even see it.

Looking back now, my path has been just about perfect. But it was only ONE path of many, many, many. And the path was there all along.

So can we hold the perspective that everything unfolds in perfect order and timing?

I say YES. But we have to be careful not to be in the energy of bypass and giving up our power.

Instead, I invite you to be really honest with yourself – and notice the gap between what’s being asked of you and what you’re willing to allow.

It’s okay to be in that gap! It’s not about being wrong or judging or pushing yourself.

Indeed, being honest about where you are, and to love yourself in that gap, is a power secret to speeding up manifestation.

Above all, take ownership of your path. Blaming it all on “Divine timing” is still blame.

The coolest part is, as soon as you choose to bridge that gap, the outcome you want is going to be right there.

So the next time you’re tempted to blame Divine timing, PAUSE.

Instead, ask, “What is the choice that is being asked of me right now? Do I really want this? If so, what can I do to support myself in making that choice?”

Whatever your answer… it’s all good.

Whatever your answer, you’ll know where you are on your path. And you’re one step closer to receiving all your dreams in perfect order.

After all… they’re right there with you. You wouldn’t have them unless they were ready to appear.

And the power has always been in you, all along.

How To Cultivate Unstoppable Confidence

Once upon a time.  I knew this girl.  Let’s call her Ellen.

Ellen was one of those girls who everybody loved.  As was the case with girls that everybody loved, I spent many moments trying to unpack what made her so special.  Because that’s what you do when you’re an awkward 12 year old.

I just didn’t see it… until one day in gym class.

We were doing something basketball-related.  Ellen was a basketball player, but on this day she wasn’t exactly rocking it.  Standing behind the free-throw line, she tossed shot after shot.  And missed.  Over and over again.

At a certain point it was getting embarrassing.  For me, I mean.  But she remained unfazed.

Finally, she made ONE shot.  Then another.  Then another.

Later, I went up to her.  “You were missing shots left and right.  But I never saw you get upset.  Why?”

She shrugged and said… “I’ve taken these shots so many times, I knew it was only a matter of time before I made one.”

Cue penny drop.

I had two realizations:

Confidence. That was Ellen’s je ne sais quoi.  (Bet you didn’t know that I used to be near-fluent in French. 😉 )

And…

Confidence is not something you’re born with.  Confidence is something you can learn.

Turns out I was partly off base on that one.  Confidence IS something you’re born with.  Watch some babies for a while and you’ll see what I mean.

The problem is, we un-learn it.   Circumstances and people become patterns and conditioned responses.  Until we choose something different.

Confidence is something you can learn.  To do so is a choice.

And it’s one of THE most important decisions we will ever make.

As a business coach I’m always being asked (in one form or another): What makes one person successful… and another, not so much?

It’s not just ONE thing…. but a big piece of it is confidence.

Without confidence… you won’t trust yourself, won’t make decisions, and won’t move forward.

So how do you cultivate unstoppable confidence?   I’m so glad you asked.  🙂

  1. Decide.

A few years back I was on stage for 5 minutes at a speaker training with my dear friends Jesse & Sharla of Thrive Academy.

I was doing my thing at the front of the room, and I could feel that I was owning that stage.

Afterward, a woman came up to me and commented on how I rocked it.   She was specifically referring to my confidence.

I thanked her for seeing that in me, pointing out that confidence had never come easy to me.

She said, “I actually don’t believe that.  You’ve always been as confident as you were up on that stage.  You just forgot.”

I immediately knew it was true.  Not just of me, but of everyone.  Confidence is a part of the Divine package that you already are.

So you have to decide.    Are you going to choose the reality of confidence, or the non-reality of doubt, fear, hesitation, timidity, not-enough-ness, too-much-ness, unworthiness?

It really is as simple as that.

  1. Sacred Commitments to Self

In magic, we say, your word is your wand.  You’ve probably also heard stage magicians using the word “abracadabra,” which means… “I create as I speak.”

When I say something, it is so.

Except for most people, it’s not.  Why?

Because most people don’t follow through on their commitments, especially to themselves.  And every time you break a promise to yourself, your confidence takes a BIG hit – usually without you even realizing it.

Fortunately, the opposite is also true.  Your confidence increases every time you keep a promise to yourself, whether it’s getting to bed by 10pm, having 5 Transformational Selling Conversations, spending an hour a day on a key project, or whatever it may be.

So if you want more confidence… make sacred commitments (aka goals) and follow through.

The key to making this work is to choose commitments that you can actually keep.    Set yourself up for success by choosing a goal that’s a stretch, but doable.   As you follow through and your confidence increases you can keep raising the bar.

What’s great about this from a magical perspective is you’re using all of your 4 Magical Tools… perception, choice, energy and faith.

Bonus tip:  When you set a goal, take aligned action quickly.  Waiting to act only creates “maybe” energy, which drains your confidence.  When you act decisively and quickly, even if you need to course correct or take a new action, it strengthens your confidence in your ability to respond to any situation.

  1. Commitments to Others

Think of all the people in your life to whom you’ve made implicit or explicit commitments:

Your partner…
Your kids…
Your clients…
Your JV partners…
Your friends and family….

Are you keeping those commitments?

Just like the promises we make to ourselves, our ability to keep our promises to others impacts our confidence.

For example, if you tell a client you’ll deliver a piece of content by a certain date and don’t do it, how do you feel?

It feels awful.  And there’s a part of you that starts to learn that the things you say are not to be believed, trusted, and counted on.

On the flip side, every time we honor a commitment – whether it’s picking up the dry cleaning for a friend or showing up on time to an appointment, or a lifelong vow to your spouse – the more you increase your faith in your ability to follow through and the more your confidence expands.

Which leads us to the next confidence-building key…

  1. Maintain Strong Boundaries

Keeping your commitments to others does NOT mean you have to do everything for everyone!

Weak boundaries are definitely a confidence-killer.

For example, saying yes when you want to say no (and vice versa).  Otherwise known as being afraid that someone isn’t going to like you if you say/act as you really feel.

Boundaries are your personal power.  Personal power (your ability to create as you think, speak, Desire) equals confidence.

When you’re clear on where you end and others begin and can communicate that authentically and with grounded presence, your inner confidence and sense of self is strengthened.

I challenge you to give it a try this week – find a place you’ve been saying yes that you really want to say no, make a new choice, set a boundary, and notice what happens to your confidence.

  1. Protect It.

It’s SO easy for our confidence to take a hit.  Why?

I believe that one of the reasons is because our brains are set up to make our primary feeling be… feeling crappy.   Low confidence equals staying in the same place – i.e., “safe” to our brains.  (Yes, I am oversimplifying here.)

So we need to protect our confidence.  Which means making it a priority.

Make commitments.  Keep them.  Guard your mind from negativity.  Guard your mind and energy field from well-meaning but people who would trample your dreams.

When you have a new idea, project or intention, protect the energy by staying silent for a while.  Reveal only what you need to those you trust.  This isn’t defensiveness, it’s honoring your creative process.

Make your energetic state a priority.  Which is what this confidence thing is really about.

*  *  *  *  *

You are Divine being having a human experience.  And as a Divine being you are instilled with all the confidence in the Universe.   You are also a beautiful BE-ing living in a physical body.

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to a class with a good friend who also happens to be one of my favorite spiritual teachers.

Someone was asking her about confidence.  She said:

“Confidence is felt, not cultivated.”

Frankly, I don’t agree with that as stated.  Confidence IS cultivated.  Because while we can choose to feel confident (which is what she was getting at)… our brains are not necessarily going to be down with that if we’ve been programmed otherwise.

So choose first… then practice, practice, practice.    Past all the conditioning, experiences, the fear and resistance, and all those worldly illusions… to return to you to who you really are, a powerful – confident – Creatrix.

Let me know how this goes for you in our Facebook group!