How To Stop Apologizing For What You Truly Want And Go For Your Biggest, Boldest Desires

Have you noticed the pushback against our go-go-go-achieve-achieve-achieve culture?

Women everywhere – myself included – are leading the conversation about the return of the Feminine, and a shift away from “overly masculine” goal-oriented energy.

I’ve heard some women talking about achievement like it’s a bad thing. (My sense is that they don’t really believe that, but they ARE tired, frustrated and fed up.)

Some even confess that while they’re frustrated as hell with our go-go-go insanity, they’re conflicted because, well, they’re achievers. They strive a lot. They have dreams, desires and aspirations that are important to them.

What if that “strive” to achieve is really pointing you in the direction of your purpose?

We all have a deep, primal urge to grow, expand, BEcome. Joseph Campbell calls it your “bliss.” Wallace Wattles, “more life.” I call it Desire.

Just because the impulse has become distorted by the environment we’re living in doesn’t make it BAD.

Try to bury it and you’re just going to end up frustrated, depressed, and even ashamed (“Who am I to have these Desires?”).

And our Desires DO have tangible results…. it’s much more than just chasing a feeling.

Those tangible results — those achievements – matter, because they create literal, visible change in the world.

That’s why it’s so important that we stop apologizing for our Desires, stop apologizing for the drive to achieve, and give ourselves permission to pursue our ambitions full-out.

It’s a decision that we make.

Now you might be thinking, “Easier said than done, Elizabeth,” especially if you wrestle with doubts, fears and feeling like you’re not good enough. (I’ve been there, done all of that.)

There is a part of us that longs for approval and begs for permission. As you’ve probably discovered, you can give time to that part ‘til your dying day… and still it’ll never be satisfied.

At some point you have to just say, “This is who I am. This is what I’m going to do. Starting… now.”

Once I made the decision to go for what I really wanted in business, without apology… everything became easier. I discovered that there’s actually a method to giving yourself permission, and it’s this method that allowed me to build a 7-figure business serving women around the world. I share that with you here:

Step 1: Recognize that all the “yeahbuts” aren’t really your own.

As human beings, we can’t help but “pick up stuff” from the people in our environment, especially as children. Then the beliefs that are handed to us when we’re young end up running the show for years – rearing their heads as doubts, fears, and feelings of inadequacy every time we try to take a step forward.

Most people will never realize this is happening, let alone shift it. But as Feminine Leaders and entrepreneurs, moving through fear is not an option – it’s a requirement.

Here’s a simple way to get started. The next time you feel doubt, fear or an inkling of “I can’t,” stop and examine the idea from a place of curiosity. Is it truly yours? Probably not. You can safely release it or give it back to whoever it came from.

Step 2: Surround yourself with support

One of the most vulnerable stories I share with my circle is that of my husband Leland calling me forward. At a time when I was completely on my knees, he was the one person who said, “I will not stand for you holding yourself as anything less than the powerful woman you truly are.” He could see my brilliance when I couldn’t see it for myself.

Without that reflection, I can honestly say that I’d probably still be in the same place. And that’s why it’s SO important that you surround yourself with people who will SEE you.

Most women don’t have people in their day-to-day lives who truly see them and hold them accountable to their greatness. But I promise you, there are people out there who WILL. It’s your responsibility to find them, even when it means investing in yourself to do it.

Step 3: Create impeccable boundaries.

The flipside of receiving support is boundaries. Surrounding yourself with amazing people also means limiting your exposure to negative, dream-stealing people and ideas.

No, this doesn’t mean you have to give up all of your friends – in fact, your growth can be a true gift to those you care about. You can have compassion for those who are hurting, as negative people truly are. But you must take back your power by setting clear boundaries with the people who drag you down. (This also goes for what media you allow into your field. Turning off the television is a great first step!)

Step 4: Put yourself in the game.

When the clutter of doubt, fear, and negativity is gone, what do you get to say YES to?

Hire the mentor. Go to the event. Reach out to that potential partner. Throw the “rules” out the window and be yourself. Say what you really mean without worrying what others will think. When you’re feeling shaky, reach out to your support system.

Saying YES to your dream consistently is a practice, one that creates incredible momentum. Small “yeses” count – celebrate them all!

When you start applying this method you’ll discover your energy shifting from a place of uncertainty, confusion or fear to a place of personal power – the best energy state from which to create and grow your business.

Whatever you want to create this year – whether it’s to double or triple your business, cut the time you work in half, treat yourself to a 2-week vacation, share the stage with big players, land your book deal – it is totally possible for you….  when you give yourself permission.

I celebrate your courage to do just that!

We’d love to hear you stake your claim for your BOLD Desires! Enter your comments below. And join us in the conversation taking place here.

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6 thoughts on “How To Stop Apologizing For What You Truly Want And Go For Your Biggest, Boldest Desires

  1. I did a great exercise when I was planning my business this year: I listed all the things I’d love to do this year – take a class, vacation in Cuba, take my kids to meet their aunt etc. Then figured out how much it would all cost and how much I need to earn to make it all happen. So my bold goal is $92,715 income in my biz this year. It’s big, it’s scary – but I’m totally giving myself permission to be shameless in its pursuit!! Your message is such a huge support! Thank you for sharing!

  2. I love the simplicity of these words Elizabeth and I know the truth of them because I have experienced the steps myself. There comes a time when it’s important to stand firm on who we are and surround ourselves with only those who support us. (including ourselves)

    I think the biggest and simplest step for me (once I had taken it ) was The Decision. It allowed all the rest to flow ease – ily and powerfully until I got a sense of YES! this is me and this is who I am, no matter what! Life became much simpler and richer then.

  3. When I first decided to change tracks and start a second innings career, Elizabeth, I realized that not everyone shared my passion to follow the beat of the distant drummer. It meant having to put up some good boundaries and understanding that sometimes, the negative comments that we receive has nothing to do with us but the fear of the other person that perhaps we might actually succeed with our ‘hare brained idea’.

    It is a good idea to listen to everyone but do what the heart tells you and move away from negative people. We can get a lot of support on our journey provided we are open to receiving it and we do make new and better friends.

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